Rainbow Brite

As some of you may or may not know I have been sick since Friday. My boss banned me from stepping foot in the office and as such I have been spending the past few days in my onesy pjs (which i call my jammy jams) drinking juice, watching trashy television and getting bed sores. I realized I needed to go to work when Joel came home one day to find me covered in tissues and gummy bear remnants and mumbling something about watching"my stories". However I will say that too much time to think does funny things to a person. Yesterday (my last day as lord of the flies) I saw Rev Run and Tyrese give an interview touting the new book they are selling about things girls need to know about men to keep themselves from getting played *insert exaggerated eye roll here* Let me save you valuable time ladies. I wrote the entire book for you. It is one sentence. That sentence is "Anytime a guy invites you over to *quotation fingers*" watch a movie", he might as well be playing the song "d*ck in a box" in the background." the end. Where is my Pulitzer?

I think I am going to write a book for women, at least women like me. It is going to be about things women need to know about life in order to not play themselves. I'll give you a taste. Chapter One is going to be called Rainbow Brite- Real Talk. So the other day my friend and I decide that it is going to be a stay in cocktail night. I love skinny girl cocktails and Target has the largest collection in my neck of the woods but we broke up a while ago due to Target getting uppity in the mid 2000s. You're Walmart's older brother that showered and wears mock turtle necks, get over yourself.  However, I got a gift card there for Christmas, so you know what it is. Since it was stay in night I put on my finest OU hoodie and sweatpants  and because I had dragged my feet I arrived at Target at 9:54. For people who aren't night time shoppers let me let you know, Target don't play. I'm 98% sure that at 8:00 the manager has a meeting and says "alright crimson tide gather round and take a knee, lets pack this shit up.. turn the clocks ahead 15 minutes and give them the 10 minute warning accordingly. Cindy, put on your civilian clothes, go to the back and start a rumor that you heard the last person to the register gets punched in the neck...now's your time to shine,live in it,make it your truth,you know what to do". So because I heard this rumor, I speed walked to the back, passing someone I thought I knew and grabbed all the booze my little baby arms could hold and then sped walked back to the register. I feel the person in the line next to mine staring at me. Guess, who it was everyone? My 7th grade Catholic school teacher. So, just to recap, I look like I live in a van down by the river, with my arms full of booze, and the teacher who had so many hopes and dreams for my little life is standing in front of me making idle conversation and trying her best not to stare at the 10 car pile up I'm holding. Of course I take this time to let her know I graduated from college (moved the bottles so she could read my hoodie) and told her about my job....Right when I feel like I'm starting to dig myself out, a grown man in full make up wearing Rainbow Brite pj's and Ugg boots hears our discussion and says "Omg girl, you work in Chagrin Falls??!!!!??" and wonders into our conversation to talk for 15 unbelievably awkward minutes.....really? Really. This has never happened before and will never happen again in Medina. It only happened because of the situation I was in. Sometimes I go to my bedroom window and gaze at the moon and wonder if Rainbow Brite is looking at the same moon. I can only hope that my 7th grade teacher, her husband and her kids who were all present think of Rainbow Brite and I sometime in the future, say 'Remember when..?' then throw back their heads and laugh...