Letter to South Park Mall

Dear Southpark Mall,
You know I love you and you're my boo. We've been rocking together for over a decade now so you should trust me when I say, get your shit together. What do I mean ? You know damn good and well that a floor mat the size of a toilet paper square in Ohio in January is not sufficient. Why do I care so much ? Yesterday when I was entering your fine establishment as soon as I stepped off the toilet paper square my foot slid out , thusly positioning me in what can only be described as a deep lunge. In order to compensate I said aloud to no one in particular "yep,always good to get a quick stretch in before you shop. I'm about to spend some money up in here !" *inner monologue - 'did I just say "up in here "?.....what am I, an extra from Big Momma's House ? F*** me.'*......so you can see where I would be concerned. Please take in this comment and adjust accordingly. Thanks.