Making it Rain

Well kids, rough start to the weekend for your girl for 2 reasons :
First of all I woke up sick as shit today , but I still went to work and got sent home. I decided the next logical step would be to muster up the cutest, sickest baby voice ( which wasn't hard bc I sound like I've been chewing broken glass and smoking 10 packs a day my whole life ) then call my mother to convince her to come over and the following conversation happened:
Me: mommy, I'm sick, can you please come take care of me ? Teddy (my fur baby ) would but he lacks the necessary opposable thumbs...
Mom: *laughter* girl , it is 15 degrees outside , you better get some soup and some medicine and pull your life together. You live directly across the street from walmart*laughter .*
Me: I didn't want to play this card mom, but you forced my hand....its black history month
Mom : *laughter*

Needless to say, I'm flying solo.

For the second story it is necessary to know 3 things, today I am driving my bfs suv bc of the weather, I am 5'1 and as such have baby sized appendages, and I've lost more weight so my current pants are ill fitting.

So I decide to stop on the way home to put my check in the bank and pull some cash out. With some struggling I was able to reach the area where one would insert a check and complete that mission. However, the area where one would pull the cash out from is lower, thusly causing me to have to open the door , hold on to the steering wheel and Indiana Jones my way to the money. As you can imagine this is not a full proof plan so when I leaned out to get the money, I fell to the ground, my pants fell down and bc my fingers had grazed the money it rained on me, thus covering me with 20s. Do you know what its like to be in the suburbs, laying on the ground with your ass out covered in 20s? I'll tell you, its a rough place to be. I wanted to yell things to the spectators like : I'm a Christian ! I have a college degree ! I pay taxes ! But I knew none of this would help. So, I stood up, grabbed my pants, the money and my dignity off the ground and continued my journey home.

It's only noon .....