Remeber that skit from SNL about ten years ago with Will Ferrell, Anna Gastyer and Sara Michell Gellar where they are a family eating dinner and their dinner just disolves into noises of silverware loudly hitting the plate and random yelling with Will ending it by screaming things like "I am an assistant manager!", "I drive a Dodge Stratus!" . That's basically where you hope you can work your way up to during a 15 hour car ride with another person. Now don't get me wrong, there are some non-damning highlights. We saw Niagara Falls for my first time, spectacular. At one point when I was bumpin' some Ricky Rosae he sat straight up out of a dead sleep and said "Huh? What? God forgives and I don't! " then went directly back to sleep.
But the rest of it is basically issues that would normally be able to be easily resolved turning into near impossible missions. We are tired, just go to sleep right? Not an option. We are hungry, just eat a hearty meal right? "Super glad we ate straight garbage from a reststop and are trapped in a car together for several hours! " said no one ever.
It gets to the point where you just lose your mind. This starts to become your inner thought "if I hear backseat driving one more f***** time I swear to God," "maybe I can just give him a peanut butter and benedryl sandwich and drop him off at the next rest stop , tape our home address to his shirt and keep it moving. Nope, still 9 more goddamn hours of driving, what is this, the Never Ending Story?"
You look at yourself in the mirror and say "come on Katniss, think ! There has to be a way for us to both get out of here alive! ", then this conversation happens:
Him:"Oh look, its Kennebunkport!"
Me: "Um, ok???"
Him: "you don't know what Kennebunkport is? Are you a f*cking American?!?!"
Me: a lot of blinking
Him: "the president vacations here ! Steven King lives here!"
Me: pulling out phone
Him: "Are you blogging this???? Are you?"
......silence. ....
Me : "I drive a Dodge Stratus!"
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