The Internship - An Introspective

I went to see The Internship tonight which was a hilarious movie (and I'm not just saying that because they said my name roughly 40 times in the first 10 minutes). The movie was great and made me think long and hard about 2 things : I am still harboring deeply sensual feelings for Vince Vaughn, and that's on me, I need to work through that, and the other thing is how I am the reverse Benjamin Button of aging. On the inside I am aging at warp speed. Allow me to explain:

• My memory is fading. Fast. This week I decided to get back on the caboose of the weight loss train. Is it me or does it always seems to be rapidly pulling out of Shining Time Station and I have to James Bond myself on the back rail at the last second? Any who, I realize that the most convenient time for me to work out is in the morning, but the large problem with that is that I hate mornings. I ended up grabbing a supplement to kick start this nightmare. So one morning, I wake up early, drink the supplement (from the comfort of my own bed) and sure as shit was wide awake and was able to bang out a solid 45 on the elliptical. I hopped in the shower, threw on my clothes and sped off to work. 3/4 of the way there a horrible realization swept over me. I forgot to brush my teeth. I reluctantly looked in the mirror to find an extra from the Hills Have Eyes staring back at me. My teeth were covered in crackers from a snack I had the night before and red supplement powder. I pulled over, found a bottle of water and napkins in my car and gave my mouth a whore bath. Of course today is the day that everyone at the office wants to talk incredibly close to my face which forced me to try to keep the top of my turtleneck as close to my mouth as possible. Unfortunately I sneezed into the top part of my turtleneck causing it to smell like a used diaper covered in burnt hair. Needless to say I drove home on my lunch break to burn my turtleneck and brush my teeth and tongue for 30 minutes......it was a dark time.

• I pulled my back at work clicking my mouse and looking at someone who was talking to me at the same time. That is all I have to say about that.

• My old black man tendencies are on over-drive. On any given Sunday you can find me sipping whiskey, listening to the Temptations and thinking abut simpler times. I care way too much about people walking on my grass and I squint at them through my screen door. Not to mention recently I was with a group of people , most of them younger then me and the discussion of interracial relationships came up. I decided to say, "Now kids you have to understand that not too long ago interracial relationships were illegal. Illegal. In 1967 (notice the year quote), 12 short years before my boyfriend was born, the case of Loving v Virginia took place. Back then we" (everyone looks at me like, WE?).....and I continued on my soap box unfazed.

• I drink Metamucil everyday, care increasingly about manners and use the phrases "these kids today" and "young bloods" allot, and not in a joking ironic fashion.

In conclusion it is only a matter of time before I am bleaching my change of life mustache and slowly removing piles of Sweet N Low and Worther's Originals from pocketbook to grab my coin purse out to make exact change despite the long line behind me, and you know what? I'm OK with that.